


Mawaru [english version of 《流轉》 by procrastinus]

by gorgeousshutin



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Courage Against Homophobia, F/F, Japanese Society Homophobia Circa 2006, Major character death - Freeform, Moving On, Psychological Drama, Slice of Life, TV Canon with elements from After the Revolution, Women Being Awesome, dealing with the past, mention of incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-07 00:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16398029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeousshutin/pseuds/gorgeousshutin
Summary: Behold, Utena Fandom. I am honored to present to you The English Version of procrastinus’ mesmerizing Chinese Novella 《流轉》 as translated by yours truly.  As much is lost in translation, "Mawaru" will deviate in parts from what is in 《流轉》to maintain impact and readability.  I do hope my representation of  《流轉》will remain a fair and faithful one in spite of the mild changes.Mawaru -- the circle game of seasons flowing by.It took just one season for Anthy to find Utena out in the world. It would take them much longer to settle into a delicate balance between living out their love, and living under the status quo of Japanese society.  Nine years, and at last they have earned themselves a sustainable life under the sun.  Just when it seems like all shadows are long behind them, a dark cloud arrives in the form of a letter from the dead.





	1. Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [procrastinus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrastinus/gifts).
  * A translation of [流轉](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364792) by [procrastinus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrastinus/pseuds/procrastinus). 



> 《流轉》 is already complete at 13 chapters, so readers of "Mawaru" can rest assured you are reading a finished story. I don't take time out of a busy life to translate just any Utena fic, so you guys know this one is gonna be good. Translation schedule: approximately 2 weeks per chapter.

She was a woman of twenty-three that early summer, living.

On that morning, a grating sound from the outside had Tenjou Utena –- carrying a pile of washed clothes up to the second floor –- tilting her head. Recognizing it to be the familiar sound of motorbike engine, she carried on with warping up the mundane task at hand.

Entering the tatami-covered Japanese living room upon bare feet, she fiddled around for tissue paper for her wet hands. Grab. Wipe. Crumble. Feeling playful, the ex-athlete executed a showy over-the-shoulder toss -- one that sent the cluster sailing all the way into the opened vine-woven trash bin at the other corner of the room. It was with a smile that she stepped up to the paper screen leading outside.

Creak--

Exterior lights greeted her as per the screen’s sliding open, casting her handsomely pretty features under early morning rays. Hazy eyes unused to the sun, she tried blocking the sting of its glare by hand as she fumbled through the sleek engawa and the glass-ornamented sliding front door (the very source of the piercing light). Slipping into her outdoor skippers, she stepped along the immaculate pebble trail, and up to the textured wooden front gates from upon the cement garden wall.

If Utena seemed perhaps a little too admiring of the property's odds and ends, it was only because she and her soulmate had earned each and every one of these exquisite details by their own efforts.

Screw. Turn. Push. Out the opened gates she looked. The postman -- the one whose bike engine had signaled for her to come out -- was since gone. “Oh well . . .” A crisp white envelope could be seen sticking out of the metal mailbox. Pulling it out, she paused upon recognizing the red wax seal with the rose crest stamping.

The letter, addressed to Himemiya Anthy, was from Ohtori Akio.

Eyes narrowing in spite of her wish to remain nonchalant, she held onto the letter for a good while longer, before retreating along the same path back into the sanctuary of her own home.

Closing the living room screen behind herself, Utena allowed herself a faint smile (of relief? ruffled nerves?). The sounds from the kitchen alerted her to how Anthy had since woken up, and was preparing breakfast like she did every other morning since their living together. Stepping up to lean against the staircase, Utena drank in the reassuring sight of this radiant apron-wearing beauty going about her business with long locks unbound. Indeed, things had changed, people had moved on. They had nothing to worry about, not even with--

Utena glanced down upon the letter in her hand, made a show of discarding it upon one of the wooden step, before stepping into the kitchen. Slipping into kitchen slippers, she got quietly up to behind the engrossed Anthy, before drawing her startled girlfriend into a gripping embrace without prelude.

***

The suddenness of the embrace had Himemiya Anthy stiffening.

But for a moment, as she then recognized the familiar scent of her Utena. Relaxing with a beam, she clasped her own slender dark arm around Utena’s stronger, lighter ones.

“Breakfast is almost ready, or are you really that hungry?” asked Anthy, teasing Utena.

Utena’s murmured reply sounded close yet still very far to Anthy’s hearing. Heated breath. Heated cheek against her neck, her feverish everything. Anthy breathed in deeply.

“We’re having tako sandwich today, because yesterday’s grilled octopus got leftover, and--” Upon her earlobe . . . a kiss . . .

Anthy’s heart skipped a beat. Utena’s kiss got harder; her teeth nibbled at her skin, with her skillful tongue sliding along the edge of her jawline . . . Somehow, her left hand that once rested palm down upon the white china plate now was gripping at the kitchen counter’s edge. Her right hand, on Utena’s arm all along, now crawled at that fair, toned flesh.

“Ah--stop, stop for a . . . we haven’t had breakfast . . . yet . . .”

The passion play intensified, making her go soft, turn moist. The whole of her being was burning up. Utena’s kisses went from her ear to the nape of her neck, scorching her to her core . . .

It would be a while longer before she was to find herself again. Senses returned, she glanced back at this gentle, smothering person now holding onto her tight.

Utena seemed somewhat . . . possessive(?) today.

***

The day drew on. Their garden now was submerged under droning cicada song, with ginkgo leaves swaying as per the rhythm of warm summer breeze. The bright sun enveloped everything under its brilliance: the fancy glass front door, the engawa, the paper screens, the living room . . . everything these two had built for themselves through the past nine years, basically.

They really did work hard for their place under the sun. Such was the focus of Utena’s thoughts as she finished sweeping their very own (sunlit!) garden. Seeking comfort in the brightness of this present moment, she got back into their happy house and home. She found Anthy kneeling at the low table in their Japanese living room, tilting her book at an angle to read.

Without disturbing Anthy, Utena turned on the fluorescent lamp to further brighten the space. She smiled upon noticing Anthy’s gaze upon her.

“We need more light,” explained Utena, moving over to beside Anthy as she started messaging the other woman’s tensed shoulders. Lights, both natural and artificial, split their shadows into two faint puddles, their overlapped states brought further contentment to Utena’s mind . . .

. . . why was the white china sugar can moving across the table?

A closer look revealed short legs and a slender tail poking out of its opened lid, with the whole thing rolling in this hazardous fashion around the brittle English tea set.

It was Chu-Chu with his head stuck in the sugary container.

Jus then, the agitated monkey/china combo rolled past the table’s edge . . . only to have Utena diving to the side and saving him just in time.

“Chu-Chu?” voiced Anthy, though it was obvious she was far more concerned with Utena accidentally spraining herself.

“He’s gonna get stuck for good one day if he keeps on fattening himself like this,” said Utena, showing Anthy her uninjured wrist before pulling Chu-Chu’s plushy-like body out of his sugary prison. Freed, the tiny monkey hid his face with his fan-like ears, with the redness of his rear end betraying his flustered state. “Look, the glutton knows to feel embarrassed, after all.”

Ever willing to indulge her friend, Anthy moved a piece of rice cookie to in front of the chided beast. Shame forgotten, the tiny monkey seized the offered snack and bit down with vigor.

“Hey!” Utena was appalled by the creature’s lack of discipline. “Moderation, Chu-Chu. Mo-de-ra-tion--” She then turned towards his playful mistress. “Anthy, you shouldn’t spoil--”

“I feel like rose tea.”

“Hey, hey . . .”

“Rose tea goes very well with rice cookies, don’t you think, Utena?”

“Anthy . . .”

Smiling in spite of herself, Utena got up taking the teapot and sugar can with her. Rose tea was indeed a timely idea, that with the fresh batch they just dried a few days back.

She again noticed that rose sealed envelope -- discarded upon a step on the stairs -- on her way to the kitchen.  
  
From the cupboard came the utensils and tools. Mind set on her current task, she cleaned the sugar can, dried it, filled it with new blocks. Then came the opening of the metal canister, from where she extracted the dried petals with a wooden spoon, before dropping the crisp pieces into water boiled just right (eighty degrees). A faint flora aroma came to permeate the air. Rose scent, of course.

Once again passing by the stairs on her way back to the living room, Utena -- teapot in hand -- stared long and hard at the envelope. It was the heat scalding at her fingertips that finally forced her out of her trance. Brows creased, she at last reached down for the disconcerting item, which she promptly stuffed into her pants’ back pocket.

***

Back in the living room, the two enjoyed their tea in silence. Absently chewing upon rice crackers, Utena’s gaze remained trained upon the botany handbook Anthy was currently reading.

“What’s the matter?” asked Anthy.

“Oh, nothing. Just . . .what we’re saying before, about opening our own flower boutique . . .”

“Hmm?”

Eyes shifty, Utena rolled the sugar can in her hand, anxious. “That’s . . . shouldn’t we be picking a location like soon? Also, the kind of plants we’d be selling, the pots and accessories we’d carry, whether I’m to start learning how to package flowers . . . we can’t be selling roses only, either.” Her voice dropped, with her gaze dancing along everywhere but where Anthy was. “I’m not saying roses ain’t cool. You plant them beautifully, I mean. Just that . . .”

“Just that?”

Just . . . what in the world was she even doing? “That’s . . . umm . . .” Why . . . why could she not just say it out loud? “I mean . . .” At last she managed to look directly at Anthy. “I mean . . . us; I mean the two of us need to stay together, always.”

Anthy appeared genuinely puzzled by her awkward wording. “We are together, Utena.”

“Umm . . .” Before Utena could waste more time dancing around the issue, Anthy had since reached over to gasp a hand over hers.

“What’s the matter?” asked Anthy, now appearing more worried than Utena had seen from from her in a long time.

Seeing no way to further avoid the inevitable, Utena exhaled aloud, before finally producing and handing over that damnable letter to it’s rightful recipient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments/kudos/bookmarks etc MUCH appreciated ;-)


	2. Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is -- the straight(ish) translation of 流轉 Chapter 2.

“This is . . .?”

“A letter for you.”

Anthy could feel her own face-muscles tightening upon seeing her brother’s signature rose wax sealing the envelope. Memories she thought were since lost to time now had resurfaced like ice upon a winter lake, frosting over all life underneath. She should throw the damnable item away right here, right in front of Utena. She wanted nothing to do with her ridiculous past, entirely wasted upon his ridiculous, endless game.

“Open it,” urged Utena. “He’s your brother, after all.” The feeling of the other’s hot palm upon the icy back of her hand had Anthy nodding in spite of herself.

Thus how the seal was broken, and the white-colored letter pulled out. Written on it were the dates for the upcoming funeral and cremation of one Ohtori Akio, signed by none other than Ohtori Akio himself.

How like her brother.

Her lack of an ironic smirk -- lack of any visible response really -- at that tasteless joke of a message likely alarmed Utena, who took the letter from her and headed straight for the phone.

“I’ll call to verify this.”

***

After the call was made, and his death confirmed, Anthy told herself she was not at all saddened by the news.

Even though she felt faint, it was likely just the sun streaming through the window frames being too bright for her liking.

Memories she thought were long forgotten came to resurface in her old heart—

—Dios—Witch—Rose Seal—Duelists—Engagement—Ends of the World—Lies—Ties . . . every frame of what she once went through flashed before her eyes, their shadows merging together upon this letter.

“I see . . .” Finger tracing the paper’s edge, the listless words flowed as though by their own accord. “Brother . . . killed himself . . . ” Her vision came to waver. Blurred.

Thinking back, it had been a long time since she had any news of Akio. She had, after all, made the conscious effort to avoid him, to avoid anything that had to do with that heinous past they shared. She should be relieved at no longer having to worry about being harassed, being dragged back into those mad games. From now on nothing should be in the way of this new, normal life, where she was free to have tea, to plant flowers . . . to live, together with Utena.

. . . so what was with this empty feeling now eating at her?

It was the heat trailing down her cheeks that finally altered her to those tears now escaping her hardened eyes

Was this the power of blood ties?

“Fine, I’m just fine,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“I understand, Anthy.”

“I’m just . . .”

“No matter what happens, I’ll stay by you side,” stated Utena, now cupping her face by both hands. “Always.” Those sky blue eyes looking into hers made plain the sincerity behind her statement. “Always.”

“ . . . hai,” mumbled Anthy, shredding tears of gratitude and sorrow both at once, the glittery trails of which now were streaming down Utena’s fine-boned fingers.

It was after she had gotten herself together (somewhat) that she heard Utena making this suggestion:

“I’m thinking . . . that I should maybe come along with you.” Her tone was of one walking on eggshells, like every word she said might risk placing undue weight upon Anthy’s heavy heart.

Meeting Utena’s gaze, Anthy gave a determined shake of her head.

That man was just some sibling who brought her infinite pain back in the day . . . who happened to be her very last blood-related family in this world. To think the death of someone like him could still have made her lose it like this . . . .

She could not even make out the “why” behind her own tears.

Anthy felt Utena—blue eyes liquid with empathy—encircling her with gentle arms, with a hand patting her on the back. Resigned to showing weakness, she closed her eyes and leaned into Utena’s embrace. Her soulmate’s gentle patting of her back was maybe the only thing pulling her back from that threatening abyss of shock and numbness.

“ . . . hai,” murmured Anthy, at last.

Once, they made a promise to share their problems with each other.

***

Evening came. The winds from their garden remained warm with the season. Seated at the engawa’s edge, Anthy drank in the early summer breeze as she glanced up and at the real stars above the darkened skies.

Time flew, and already it had been nine years since she got reunited with Utena.

Anthy’s mind wandered to her diploma stashed away in the bedroom. Her original plan was to just graduate from high school and start working straight away. “I want to take walks with you around the college campus,” said Utena. Just like that, Anthy applied for college. A pushover like her . . . would she not end up wearying Utena someday?

The two of them were perhaps too different for compatibility’s sake.

“ . . . want something to eat?” asked Utena, having since came up to kneel down beside the seated Anthy.

“I don’t feel hungry,” replied Anthy, before immediately regretting the admission as she saw Utena’s face dimming with growing concern. “Maybe . . . shaved ice. I want shaved ice.” She was relieved at seeing this comedic wide-eyed look now replacing Utena’s prior nervousness. “And maybe tako balls too, as well as--”

“H-Hold on! You won’t say you want fried noodles and mayo baked potatoes . . . would you?”

“Ah ha, Utena knows me like no other.”

“ . . . aren’t we in a festive mood like all of a sudden.” Appearing baffled, but smilingly so, Utena got up heading for the kitchen. “Fine, fine, you capricious girl, you. I think we actually got the tools to make all these.” Stopping, she glanced back at Anthy for a good moment, before saying: “It’ll only take a while. Don’t go off anywhere, ‘kay?”

***

In front of the gas stove she labored—stirring the noodles, turning the tako balls, watching the oven . . . . By the time Utena got to stir flying the meat and veggies, the heavy sigh she had been holding in all along finally let itself out.

In the end, such sweet nothing was perhaps all she could do for Anthy. An improvement from before, perhaps? She could now maybe sense Anthy’s mood a little better than before, but reading the other woman was still beyond her. There also remained this constant worry of Anthy making decisions based on Utena’s own desires, and not her own. If that was still the case now, then . . .

Was this . . . because of love? Because the more you love, the more you worry about losing that love . . . the more you became prone to distrustfulness?

And she thought she was done with worrying about those complicated, troubling things

She busied herself with stir prying the washed veggies, watching the steam rise from the wok.

Just one letter . . . and already she was fearing for their relationship.

. . . just one letter? How like her to be so willfully blind. She knew firsthand how it was like to lose one’s blood family. Anthy lost her brother, and she could only find it in her to be concerned with what she herself had to lose? Had she so little confidence in herself? Was she . . . really having her hands full just thinking about herself?

Hands going still, Utena watched, with hooded eyes, the noodles in front of her jumping about in their steaming soup base, seething.

***

That night, like any other night since their being together, they slept holding hands like the schoolgirls they once were.

Waking from dreamless sleeping (or had she fallen asleep at all?), Utena turned slowly towards Anthy, now seeming a mere silhouette under the unlit room’s thick shades. Anxious heart thumping, Utena leaned closer into Anthy’s side, such that her lips were now right beside the other’s ear.

“Absolutely . . . don't let go . . . of my hand . . .

“If you only know how I almost threw that letter away behind you back . . . would you think I'm terrible, or just plain pathetic?”

Rasped with emotions, Utena’s voice came hushed yet heavy. The words flowed into the shadows. Softened. Vulnerable.

“If you only know how relieved I am to know he is finally dead for good . . .would you still be willing to take someone me, just as I am?

“Even though I’m a dirty woman, I—” There was no way she was going to let go of Anthy’s hand this time.

The words ceased, disappearing beneath the shadows veiling over both women, who slept on hand in hand, nose against cheek, long locks entangled.


End file.
